it's all istanbulous -- arrival part 1

hello peoples. apologies for being way overdue blogging about istanbul. way way way overdue. i've been jet lagged and it's been hotter than missile fuel in new york. a disgustingly humid 35 degrees C yesterday. i think i might have lost 10 lbs in water weight just walking from my room to the bathroom for the 3rd daily shower. disgusting. oh, how i miss pleasant northern alberta summers.

ISTANBUL!!

14.08.07

this morning, i arrived back at schiphol airport via paris, picked up a camera battery charger & some much needed internet time (to communicate with G.S.) at the airport, then boarded my flight to istanbul.

while waiting at the gate for the flight, i noticed a woman carrying a tote bag with the logo of my employer on it. so i asked her if she worked there. she was haughty. oh yes, she's so precious. she'll be working at one of the branch offices. ohhhh. small f'ckin' world, isn't it. not small enough, clearly, since it manages to hold all of her attitude and entitlement. anyway, her boyfriend seemed okay but clearly must have been a tool to be putting up with miss priss.

the flight is otherwise grand. well, except for the part where my purple pen exploded all over the KLM food tray, leaving giant pools of purple ink that has probably permanently stained it. fortunately, i didn't get any of it on my clothes, just all over my hands. hopefully, istanbul border control will believe it is a pen explosion and not the preparation of my on-board torture other passengers device that has stained my hands. oh. at least they aren't blood stained.

the plane lands without incident, otherwise.

i have to get my visa at istanbul airport. the visa process is a money-grab & a joke. the guy i get my visa from barely looks at me, takes $60 USD from me and puts a sticker in my passport. he doesn't even ask me if i'm in istanbul for work or for pleasure or for nefarious doings. all he wants is $60. discrimination alert, however. for a canadian to get a visa to turkey, it's $60 USD. for an american to get the same freakin' sticker, it's like $20 USD. that's completely ridiculous. and backward. i mean, last time i checked, canada wasn't threatening the region, except maybe with subsidies for our maple syrup imports. jeez louise. if anyone should have to do 40 backflips to get into the country, it should be my haughty, annoying american friends from the departure gate in schiphol. after paying $40 overcharge for the visa, i proceeded to the line for passport control/border control. this is the first sign that you are entering a country with a foot in asia.

the passport line is divided into two sections - people with turkish passports and people with all other passports. no problem. that's the norm. everywhere passport control in europe is divided into people with EU and people with non-EU passports. the line moves like molasses. like snails manufacturing molasses, if you can believe it. and you can, because i never exaggerate. not at all. the organization of this line is such that once you get to the "front" of the part that has the zigzag formation, there are numerous shorter lines in front of each border agent. but of course, people don't move to the ones further to the left. why do that? it would only make the process faster and streamlined. just as i get to the front, a major bout of crazy shouting erupts at the front between a potential visitor/resident of turkey and the border agent. i can't see what's going on, but we're all craning our necks to see if someone is going to get the turkish security smackdown and be sent to turkish airport prison. the shouting continues, india-style. but after 10 minutes it sort of defuses and i never figure out what happens. i like to think that it was a fellow canadian who was outraged at the thought that he spent $40 more than an american to get into the country. i am not really over it. even now. i may never get over it. i am thinking about writing a letter to the ministry in charge in turkey, but i should first do research on what turkish people have to do to get into canada. maybe they have to deposit a lung as collateral to be recouped when they exit the country.

so, i get to the "front" of the zigzag line. there is an american woman in front of me (i consider asking her for $40 USD or at least splitting the difference.) anyway, she is trying to get past world's biggest as*hole to get to the other left-hand section of the border agents so we can actually get through the passport area before the end of the week. dude is not going to move. i tap him on the shoulder and say excuse me sir. he completely ignores me. i do it again. again. completely ignores me. i put on my NY superwoman costume and say "if you have no interest in getting through this absurdity before the end of the day, that's your business. but you need to get out of my way." he looks at me and smiles a cruel smile (a la cruella deville) and points to the fact that he can't really move anywhere (yeah, except to the left where there are lines at least half the size of the one he's so committed to.) so i do my patent-pending shove past move, taking my american friend with me. in the process i give as*face a sharp elbow and step on his heel. and say as i walk past, "some of us actually want to get out of here today." about 10 people follow me, all of them giving loser-head some love as they walk past. he looks annoyed when he sees that we've merged seamlessly into the half-empty queues and are now way ahead of him. apparently as*hole is a universal language because he only understood me when i resorted to speaking it with him. there are times when i love being an aggressive american, and this was one of them.

i got through passport control with barely a blink of the agent's eye. welcome to turkey. enjoy your stay. oh i will, my friend. i will.