golden forks!!

a few weekends ago, my firm took me and others to a weekend getaway in a chocolate-obsessed paradise in pennsylvania. as a part of this weekend, we had a night of fancy food + karaoke (classic combo, like burger & fries, p.b. & jam). apart from the company at my entirely partner-free, cool-people heavy table, the food was notable. the chef worked as the white house top chef (this would be a reality tv show about food i'd actually like to watch) for 11 years (clintons & the bushii). he had anecdotes about the food & working for first families.* j.s. and i were assigning golden forks to the food (on a scale of 0-10). it was truly a team effort, but the idea of golden forking the courses -- a truly inspired idea -- belongs to d.g. the results of our review are below:

1) sesame wasabi crusted halibut (w/ red curried sweet potato soup) (aka "chelsea's soup" served with a side of "added for tony blair"). prepared by the chef and chelsea as a food she could make for herself when she left for college. rumour has it that the scent of this soup stirred the stiff upper lip of tony blair to inquire after it. a version of it served with halibut was prepared for a tony blair state dinner. ask and ye shall get, at least if you are a head of state. of a true ally. who sent soldiers to iraq. when the canadian, french & german state dinners took place, it was KFC all the way (dark meat only, though. and small sized pasta salad).

REVIEW: best of the bunch, 9 golden forks!!!! recommended to a.w. (vegan-extraordinaire).

2) tequila glazed smoked angus tenderloin with warm fruit salsa & chipotle corn sauce(aka jenna bush pool party bash '08!! first daughters gone wild!!) apparently jenna bush has an annual pool party, which is typically a low-key affair at least insofar as the menu is concerned. basically, nibblies poolside. one year, ms. bush told the chef at approximately 2 pm the day of that there would be 80 guests (double the usual amount) and that the dinner would be a plated steak dinner). thanks for the heads up. the apple doesn't fall far from the bush. the chef prepared what food was available at home and reduced tequila until it was a glaze. ms. bush: "what a waste of a perfectly good margarita". what a gourmand!

REVIEW: 7 golden forks. recommendation: an audit of the white house kitchen.

3) manchego tamale tart (basically a quiche) with avocado orange and sweet onion salad (aka the closest dubya's been to a salad). president bush's palate is less refined than most. not terribly surprising for a texas transplant desperate to fit in. this dish was prepared as texas style food for a state dinner for vincente fox.

REVIEW: 7.5 golden forks. recommendation: america-wide refusal to vote republican until bush clears his plate of veggies. no, freedom fries don't count.

4) chocolate extravaganza (with dark chocolate mousse layered with coffee cream, salted peanut caramel, chocolate kahlua sauce). this is a combination of choco-holic first ladies' picks. funnily enough, mr. president is allergic to chocolate. ha. like me, the first lady bush II loves lattes.

REVIEW: 8 golden forks. recommendation: can you really go wrong with chocolate?

First Palates:

both first ladies have eclectic palates and are keen on spicy, ethnically diverse and organic foods. both are health conscious. both first mans would rather go to TGIF. president bush pooh-poohs "green food". green food is unamerican and invites terrorists to strike america down.

Best Visitors:

nelson mandela -- probably the most popular guest at the white house. he asked for an audience with all the staff serving the white house; said he felt more comfortable with the service-class.

helmut kohl -- heaviest eater -- easily could down 8500 calories in one meal and then go out for big macs afterwards. actually complained that the servings were not large enough and that he left hungry. really out to get that tape worm situation checked out, helmut.

Comfort Foods:

post 9/11 the menu turned back to good ol' american comfort food, though there was no real decision to do this coming from the top. the mood seems to dictate how adventurous the white house kitchen and its diners feel.

Most Awkward Moment:

protocol dictates that food is served by importance of the diner, so the president is served first and then the food is served in descending order. during the first official function bush hosted as president, the first course was a green sorrel soup. president bush pushed his soup to the side moments after it was put before him. this precipitated a domino effect whereby all the other butlers took the dish away before it was served.

Weirdest Food:

apparently, president clinton hosted a lot of arkansas-ians at the white house. one of the ewwww-factorest foods the chef recalled preparing was "fried baloney tra-la-la", an arkansas delicacy that the president insisted ought to be served to his fellow state residents. the tra-la-la is a baloney loaf, with a donut-like hollow center. the baloney is grilled and an egg is cracked into the donut-hole and fried. gross.


* accuracy of anecdotes has not been verified.